“Nerdy Prudes Must Die” – Songs Ranked

I’d heard of Team StarKid and knew they made comedic musicals, but it wasn’t until a couple of weeks ago that I watched something of theirs for the first time. That musical was “Nerdy Prudes Must Die” … and now I’m a StarKid fanboy.

I’ve gone back and watched half a dozen of their musicals now, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. For today, I want to rank all fifteen songs from this teen-comedy-slasher-musical. Word of warning – I’m not usually a musicals guy, so there’s a good chance my ranking will be different to yours!

Before we begin, you can check out some of my related blog posts below:

Every “Les Misérables” Song Ranked

“Getting Killed” (Geese) – Every Song Ranked

“Abbey Road” Songs Ranked

Star Wars – Every Lightsaber Duel Ranked

Meh

15 – The Best of You

My least favourite song by far was the climactic ensemble number of the whole thing, “The Best of You”. It’s a happy tune all about the high school kids having a fun party … and that’s all it is.

The rest of the songs in this musical are comedic or subversive in some way, but this was as by-the-book as a musical song can get. I’m glad these characters got a happy ending, but I thought it was cliché and forgettable.

Okay

14 – Dirty Dudes Must Die

Hot take time – I didn’t like the ending of this musical. I get that they were parodying the “killer always returns” trope of teen slashers, but I thought “The Best of You” was boring and then “Dirty Dudes Must Die” was too out of left-field.

It’s a fun reprise of the title track, and Angela gives her all in the performance, but I found it weird to tease a sequel which will likely never happen.

13 – Just For Once

As I’ve come to learn over the course of my newfound StarKid fanboying, Lauren Lopez is an absolute star. She’s a core piece of the team – she even did the choreography for this show and some others! – and her singing and acting are always amongst the best in any StarKid production.

But her lamenting solo in this musical, named “Just For Once”, was a little boring. It was nice to give her character a moment in the spotlight (and it obviously makes her death in the following scene hit a bit harder) but I felt it slowed the pace right down.

Good

12 – If I Loved You

“If I Loved You” borders on cliché and melodrama, but I think both singers sold it well enough.

Joey Richter and Maria Rose Faith have some great chemistry across this song (as well as the whole musical), and it’s fun to see these two crush-ridden teenagers dance around their true feelings.

11 – Dirty Girl

I needed a warm bath after watching this. In a story with murder and undead demons, it’s a high school girl’s fantasy which made me shudder most.

Fair play to Angela Giarratana and Will Branner – the professionalism needed to go out there and do that is astounding. The song itself is decent, but it’s the performance which takes it up a notch.

10 – Go Go Nighthawks

Growing up in the UK, we never had this kind of cheerleader / “big game” culture, especially not in school. “Go Go Nighthawks” makes me nostalgic for a time I never lived through.

It’s this enormous song which comes at a high point in the characters’ lives, and the energy is infectious. The sudden, bitter turn when Clivesdale is mentioned is one of the biggest laughs of the show.

Oh, and this goes without saying, but fuck you Clivesdale. Bunch of losers.

9 – Cool As I Think I Am

No musical with a bunch of hopeful nerds would be complete without the song about how cool they wished they were.

Joey Richter plays the part so earnestly that you can’t help but root for him.

8 – Nerdy Prudes Must Die

I’ve seen a lot of people ranking the title track in their top three – sometimes even as their outright favourite of the musical – but I can’t quite see it. I don’t find the chorus that catchy, in all honesty (at least, compared to the other half dozen earworms this musical provides).

Other than the chorus, however, this song slaps. Undead Max’s entrance has a cool and menacing aura, and the “Who will pray for you?” bridge is awesome. The more operatic this song gets, the more on-board I am.

Also, shout-out to Jon Matteson for the part where he cries “I’m not a loser!”. The song cutting out and the camera lingering on his terrified face gave me chills. His acting was flawless.

Great

7 – High School Is Killing Me

Weirdly, I’m not often a fan of musical opening numbers. Rarely are they the best songs of the musical and they usually serve as a quick and easy way to introduce the setting, characters and initial motivations. In other words, they come and go and then I forget all about them.

An exception to this seems to be “High School Is Killing Me” – for my money, the best opening number of all the StarKid musicals I’ve seen thus far.

I was immediately impressed by the choreography and the vocal harmonies, and I got a sense of everyone’s characters straight off the bat. Oh, and the chorus is one of the catchiest in the whole show.

6 – Cool As I Think I Am (Reprise)

I’m a sucker for a good reprise, and “Cool As I Think I Am” takes on a whole new, wholesome meaning during its second use.

I was fully invested in the relationship between these two nerds by this point, so to see them reconcile at what they thought was their end was really heart-warming.

5 – The Summoning

Apparently the “Lords in Black” are an important piece of StarKid lore … but if they were mentioned in a previous musical (my guess would be “Black Friday”), I haven’t seen it yet. Despite the lack of context, I ended up loving “The Summoning”.

It’s an absolutely bonkers song, extremely unsettling, and the performances are all over-the-top in the best way. Jon Matteson in particular is so sinister as the leader that I got goosebumps.

4 – Literal Monster

One thing “Nerdy Prudes Must Die” did far better than I was expecting was how it built tension. All of the important plot beats got the build-up they deserved, but its main antagonist was also introduced in a memorable way.

The nerds gather in the school corridor to talk about a demon prowling their classrooms – or, as they put it, a “Literal Monster”. Not only is this great foreshadowing, but it sets Max Jagerman up as the untouchable antagonist of the first Act.

Also, I’ll use this time to praise Will Branner’s performance as Max. As soon as he entered the scene he was a tour de force, and as soon as he opened his mouth he proved to be one of the best singers in the production. He’s the MVP of the musical for sure.

Amazing

3 – Bury The Bully

Like I mentioned for the “Cool As I Think I Am” reprise, I’m a sucker for when a musical re-uses a song in a powerful moment. Bonus points if it’s re-used in a clever, recontextualizing way.

One of the funniest moments in the show is when Grace gleefully flips the dire situation into “Bury The Bully”, a catchy number about hiding Max’s dead body. This is the kind of dark comedy I love – and the foundational track was already a banger to begin with.

2 – Hatchet Town

I know it’s crazy to put “Hatchet Town” – an almost throwaway, scene-setting track in the middle of the story – at the number two spot … but what can I say? I thought it was fantastic.

I love how the Mayor immediately makes everyone turn against one another – “Yeah, it’s gotta be Donna!” got a big laugh out of me – and the sinister undertones of the song make it a very intense number.

Also, now that I’ve watched a few other StarKid musicals, I can appreciate the random cameos from other cast members.

1 – Bully The Bully

Don’t you love it when a nerdy plan comes together?

My favourite song of “Nerdy Prudes Must Die”, the one that has been stuck in my head for days, is “Bully The Bully”. The title alone is already gold, but the catchy and hilarious lyrics make this the stand-out of the musical.

And of course I have to mention the amazing choreography. The dancing is all so tight and well rehearsed, and it adds another dimension of fun to an already electric number.

I had a stupid smile on my face for the whole song. I was already sold on the musical by this point, but “Bully The Bully” was when I realised Team StarKid were a group worth following. In other words, my fanboying started with this song.

Aaaand that’s my list! If you liked this post and want to support me, please consider giving me a one-time donation. Even a few pence (or whatever currency you use) is fantastic! I’ve never monetized this blog before, but it would be great if I could do this comfortably and not have to worry about the yearly website domain costs. Thank you so much!