Every Jesse Pinkman “Bitch!” Ranked

Breaking Bad is one of the shows of all time, and Jesse Pinkman is a character in the aforementioned show. One of my favourite utterances out of his mouth is the word “Bitch!”, a hilarious insight into the misogyny of 2000’s America and a catchphrase still used today by kids the world over.

I thought it would be fun to rank every time the madlad says it – I’m not going to count variations like “son of a bitch” or “bitches”, and in the end I picked the most memorable ones I could notice. So, how would I rank all the bitches?

You can check out some of my related blog posts below, bitch:

Bad

28 – Whatever, You Little Bitch (S4E2)

Jesse says this to his two best friends, Badger and Skinny Pete. Not cool man.

27 – Where’s The Other Half, Bitch? (S3E4)

A completely unnecessary bitch, as the driver had already left so there was no one listening.

26 – Yeah, Bitch (S4E3)

Jesse Pinkman is the master of combining the words “Yeah” and “Bitch”, but he lacks brevado and oomph this time around. I’m not mad, just disappointed.

Meh

25 – Possum, Big Freaky Looking Bitch (S3E10)

Possum are indeed big freaky looking bitches, but that seems irrelevant in this drug drama.

24 – Plural, Bitch (S3E5)

I appreciate the grammar lesson, but I already know the different between singular and plural so this is useless information.

23 – First I Thought To Myself “Hell Yeah, Bitch” (S3E9)

Whoa … a recursive bitch.

This is the only time in the series that Jesse tells a story of the time he thought about the word “Bitch”, so that deserves some bonus points. Otherwise, unremarkable.

22 – I Pay My Rent Bitch! (S2E12)

I don’t know why, but this bitch makes me sadder than most of the others. He says it so earnestly that I want to forgive him for turning Jane back into a drug addict.

OK

21 – Fire In The Hole, Bitch (S5E13)

Yeah, you tell him Jesse. Let Walt know who wears the pants in your working relationship.

20 – You Listen To Me, Bitch (S5E13)

Just like with “Fire In The Whole, Bitch”, Jesse gets to tell Walt a piece of his mind. He gives this a bit more oomph than the previous.

19 – Where’s My Money, Bitch? (S2E6)

I love how he phrases the bitch in the form of a question, and the repetition really hammers the point home.

18 – Don’t You Cover For Him, Bitch! (S2E8)

I appreciate the false bravado from Jesse, but this confidence doesn’t suit him.

Good

17 – Yeah Bitch! (S5E5)

A happy moment after the train heist, undercut immediately by Todd.

Fucking Todd.

16 – C’mon, Bitch (S5E15)

Not an inherently interesting bitch, but it’s the last one in Breaking Bad so I thought I’d bump it up a bitch.

15 – You’re My Free Pass, Bitch (S3E7)

The most softly-spoken bitch in the whole show, and I love how it makes Walt squirm.

14 – Whaddup, Biatch! (S1E2)

The very first bitch, and he every throws the letter “A” in there for added affect. An inspired acting choice by Aaron Paul – I’m not surprised he won a buttload of Emmys.

13 – Got My Photo, Bitch? (S5E13)

A great way to start any conversation on the phone, but I find it works best when talking to a deranged meth kingpin whose money you’re burning.

Great

12 – Try And Stop Me … Bitch (S3E5)

Never has a bitch sounded more threatening.

11 – This Is Gonna Help Big Time With That. Bitch! (S2E4)

Something we all wanted to say to our mothers at one point or another, but Jesse Pinkman is the only guy with big enough cajones to actually do it.

10 – Gatorade Me, Bitch! (S3E10)

One of the funniest bitches in the show, and it almost makes “Fly” an episode worth watching.

9 – I Suggest You Stop Whining Like A Little Bitch (S4E10)

Never before had Jesse put someone in his place quite like this. Even Gus seemed to appreciate this vitriolic bitch.

8 – You Ain’t Seeing The Basement, Bitch! (S1E7)

Let’s be real – that guy was pretty sus for insisting on seeing the basement. I wonder what he would’ve used it for? Jesse may have just prevented a crime before it happened. What a model citizen.

7 – I Wanted To Leave Them On The Counter, Bitch! (S2E9)

The most unnecessary bitch of them all, but that’s what makes it so funny.

6 – Well Heil Hitler Bitch! (S1E3)

A moment that always makes me laugh.

I would put it in the higher tier, but the blatant fascism from Jesse is despicable. Neat foreshadowing for the Season 5 villains, though. Maybe if he’d used this line on his captors they’d have treated him better.

Amazing

5 – Speak Into The Mic, Bitch (S1E4)

It’s funny ’cause he grabbed his nutsack.

I reckon Walt would’ve done it if Jesse had only asked nicely.

4 – I Made You My Bitch (S4E7)

The most emotional bitch of them all.

No funny jokes or quips from me – Aaron Paul deserves all the praise for his performance in this scene.

3 – Roll Me Further, Bitch (S3E8)

The funniest of all the bitches, I can’t believe Jesse actually said this to the nurse trying to help him.

2 – This Is My Own Private Domicile And I Will Not Be Harassed. Bitch! (S3E6)

Probably the most iconic bitch of them all, Jesse Pinkman fighting for his right to privacy has gone down in history as television’s greatest bitch. Pound for pound, it only gets second place in my ranking.

All-Time Great

1 – Yeah Bitch! Magnets! (S5E1)

Could it have been anything else?

The sheer joy the man has over a magnet is infectious, and the way he screams the words at the top of his lungs never fails to give me chills. A deserved winner if ever there was one.

Aaand that’s my list! If you’ve made it this far, thanks for putting up with my idea of fun – hopefully you had as much of a laugh reading it as I did writing it! If you liked it, you can check out some of my latest (more serious) blog posts below:

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